The Future

Firstly, I have updated the list of DVDs.

Secondly. After careful consideration, I have decided to go to Beijing in January after all. There is a program running in Beijing for intensive study in Chinese that I am very interested in doing next semester. I had a choice of starting on either Jan 2 or Feb 20. The problem with starting on Jan 2 is that the amount of time that I will spend at home now dwindles to a mere eight days as I get home from a family vacation in New Zealand on Dec 23. This leaves very little time for doing things like seeing friends, finishing my Princeton application, and preparing for the next leg of my journey. For those of you who aren't familiar, it is f---ing cold (pardon my french, I find it appropriate in this situation) in Beijing in January. I have heard that it is as the same longitude as Chicago. This requires a lot of moral preparation as well a lot of warm-clothing shopping, because let me tell you, this California girl is sadly lacking when it comes to long underwear and warm jackets. If it weren't for my sister and her nitting abilities, my neck, arms, and head would be going cold as we speak. Anyway, I originally decided to scrap to idea of returning to China so soon after Christmas, missing New Years and risking not being emotionally ready to leave home yet. But then I saw the downfalls of beginning a program on Feb 20. I would be wasting 2 months of my one precious gap year. The long amount of time that would lapse between studying Chinese with Dragons and going to Beijing would result in completely forgetting most of what I learned, forcing me to enroll in the beginner program instead of a more advanced program, and thus rendering the first 3 months of language study completely useless. And finally, Feb 20 - March 20 is right in the middle of my second semester making it difficult if not impossible to find other programs or teaching positions to occupy the rest of my time. As much as I love my friends and my home and western life in general, it makes more sense for me to return to China as soon as possible. I miss everyone very much, but I hope you will understand why I am doing this.

Speaking of missing, I do hope that I didn't come off an inappreciative, heartless (insert word of choice) when talking about how I didn't miss anyone from home. I suppose when I spend enough time pondering the real meaning of missing, I can convince myself of anything. In the more traditional sense of the word, I do miss everyone, and I do miss home. By that, I mean not that I cry over our separation every day, but that I am greatly looking forward to seeing you again.

Aside from people, here is a list of things that I miss most:

1. My computer. I woke up the other morning and was overwhelmed by a need to hold my computer. Its smooth, shiny surface, its slick keyboard, its ability to access the internet from almost anywhere. Having grown up in a yuppie world where no true silicon valley nerd could be found far from his or her computer at any given point, I am definitely feeling the sting of separation from the what I like to consider my fifth limb. Perhaps I am a cyborg in the sense that my program solving mechanism had molded itself to be dependent on the tools available, aka, my computer, and as any cyborg knows, a separation from that which it depends on can be deadly to ones ability to problem solve. Of course, being an adaptable human being, I have found ways to manage without, but not without some difficulty and sorrow. Like the limb that you can still feel after it has been amputated, I still feel the presence of my computer and all that it has to offer.

2. My calculator. Believe it or not, the TI-83 + did not make it on my packing list and I have regretted it almost every day since. Maybe it is the KECK math curriculum Castilleja subjected me to, maybe it is the array of functions the beautiful black TI-83 + has to offer, but I find myself completely useless with out my calculator. Even simple equations elude me as I struggle to divide the price of an object by the exchange rate (8 RMB to the US dollar), or try to figure out in my head how many hours of Chinese class I am yet to suffer through before we leave Kunming. I miss not only it's usefulness as a tool, but as a time-killing device. With the ability to write small programs, I could spend hours dwindling away the time coding and coding to my hearts content. I could code a program that keeps a running total in both US $ and RMB of the amount of money I spend and report back my daily, weekly, and monthly average at the push of a button! I could write a program that talks to me, giving answers to my questions such as "Of course you were right in that situation. You are always right" or "You are looking beautiful today." The possibilities are endless.

3. Personal Space. The Chinese language did not originally have a word for personal space, words had to be imported and even then they hold little meaning in the mind of an average Chinese. When sleeping at my homestay, I find myself no longer surprised to be woken up by the body weight of my home stay mother leaning over me access something in the cupboards behind my cot. While brushing my teeth in the bathroom, it is not odd to have the Grandma walk right in, sit down, and go to the bathroom in my presence. "As it turns out, I forgot something in my room anyways, so I'll just...." *runs out of the bathroom, abandoning all attempts at personal hygiene.* There is a lock on the bathroom door, but seeing as how a key is on a string tied around the outside door knob to the bathroom, this lock is pretty much useless. Instead of forcing other family members to remain on the other side of the door while you go about your business in the bathroom, it is more like a friendly suggestion, one that is often ignored.

4. My bed. Nothing replaces a good nights sleep and there is no connection quite like the one between a person and his or her bed. These two facts lead to one inevitable truth: I miss my bed. The average height of the Chinese person is a bit shorter than the average height of an American, so I find that the beds I sleep in here leave a little bit of me hanging off the ends. But even when/if the beds I find are perfect, they still aren't my bed. I never stay in one place long enough to develop an attachment quite like the one I have to my bed at home, and so the longing persists. I long for my bed.

Conspicuously missing from this list is my bathroom. It is a commodity I have learned to live without and I can almost even say that I have enjoyed my encounter with the Chinese squatter toilets. Maybe this is more detail than you, the innocent reader, signed up to get, but I will tell you anyways. As it turns out, the squatting position is a more natural position for a human to go to the bathroom in and thus makes the process a bit easier. And for anyone who is familiar with the amounts of rice in a Chinese diet, you will appreciate the true value of this characteristic. This isn't to say I have forsaken western toilets all together, by all means no! I still enjoy having a nice long rest on a western toilet with the magazine or book of my choice. But as long as a Chinese toilet is clean and tolerably smelling, I am happy as pie.